I talk in an older post about my wavy hair and how I get it to curl. Since that time, I found the Curly Girl Method. The main tenant of this method is to avoid specific chemicals in your hair products so that they don’t dry out your curls. It also requires that you be careful how you apply the products and handle your hair.
I’ve been experimenting – and it is experimentation because of all the product options and techniques – for a year and a half now, and I am getting consistent results that I like. I wash my hair twice a week – Thursday and Sunday. I use SheaMoisture Shampoo – either Yucca or Honey Manuka – then I use Garnier Fructis Avocado Extract Hair Mask. I usually let it sit on my hair for a bit while I’m doing other shower things. On Sunday, I also condition with Suave Essentials Ocean Breeze Conditioner. Technically the CG method is supposed to be conditioner-washing only, but I’ve found that my hair still needs the deep cleaning.
I apply products after the washing and conditioning directly to soaking wet hair. I use Pantene Pro-V Mousse and Tresamme Gel, which is the only gel I’ve been able to find that doesn’t make my hair crunchy.
Then I plop my hair – which is a method of squishing my curls down to my hair with a T-shirt or a microfiber towel NOT a regular cotton towel which will cause frizz – for about 30-45 minutes. Then I pull it up in a high ponytail on my head and go to sleep. The high ponytail seems to give the roots lift. It will be a little wet in the morning so I blow it dry for a couple minutes just to give it some body.
When I took a creative writing course in college, my professor took us to Barnes&Noble one day to write. I believe we were supposed to write something with our senses, maybe? Below is the result of that trip. The short story is not about depression, but you can tell from the dark, bug-filled, morphing imagery and my interpretation of the strangers’ lives that I was deeply depressed. I share it because it is an interesting example of how depression will seep into the foundation of everything. It also has hints of my child-free and polyamorous ways. This was written in 2007 when I was monogamously married at the age of 21.Read More »
I have run into a not-uncommon polyamory issue: my only partner is less interested in sex with me, at the same time that he started dating a new partner that he has sex with more regularly.
Because we were each other’s only partners before, not only am I having to deal with the loss associated with having to share his time and romantic energy, but I’m also having to adjust to not having as much sex as I’d like. Those losses – being his only romantic partner and being his only sexual partner – seem separate because one – being demoted from his only romantic partner – is an emotional gut-punch, and one – being sexually rejected – seems, in the most dramatic terms, like biological harm.
My reaction to the emotional gut-punch was to check in with myself and face my jealousy so that I could work through the insecurities that the loss sparked. But my reaction to the sexual loss was to whine about the injustice of being denied sex. Obviously, one reaction was much more mature and emotionally empowering, while the other put me in the role of helpless victim.
I believe the reason I responded so childishly was because my feelings were based on sexual entitlement.Read More »
This last year resulted in several life changes for me, including my second divorce which ended my longest relationship as well as moving over state lines and turning 30. My depression lightened tremendously when I left my ex, and I want to encourage anyone reading this to consider the following:
It is not normal to be constantly depressed for years and years.
It is not necessary to feel like you are not in control of your life’s path.
Our circumstances can affect our stress level, mood, and depression. The people we interact with regularly can affect our stress level, mood, and depression. Our jobs can affect our level, mood, and depression.
If you’ve been depressed for years and years, like I was, then I encourage you to explore the possibility that something happening in your life is causing distress that you are not acknowledging. As human beings, we experience emotions and intuition, and if we ignore them, then they can cause physical manifestations, and I would bet good money that is what is causing your depression. It certainly was what was causing my long-term depression.
Here is a simple checklist of possibilities to consider when trying to understand your long-term depression. For now, I’ve included links to get you started on further research.
Once you hit a certain point in a depression, you begin to ask these questions: Why am I staying depressed? Why am I still depressed after all this time?
These are good questions because they hint at the idea that depression isn’t entirely passive, but is, in fact, an active (though unconscious) process. It’s not just a disorder that affects brain chemistry, but also a bad set of habits. Asking these questions can take the power from the depression and give you back your autonomy.Read More »
I know people say you shouldn’t make blanket “always” or “never” statements and you’ll always end up doing exactly what you said you’d never do. Only time will prove I mean it.
It’s not because I’m going through my second divorce and I-am-finished-with-marriage- and-men-are-awful-and-no-one-will-ever-love-me. I am not dramatically drawing a line in the sand, shaking my fist at the stars, daring Fate and the Universe to prove me wrong. No, my expressions of emotion and my statements of intentions are far more deliberate than that.
Let me be clear: I am poly, bisexual, and sapiosexual. I intend to have a full and satisfying life characterized by healthy and happy relationships with sexy nerds. But I will never marry one of my partners again.
One of my depression tips is to talk to your friends. First, let me make it clear that your friends, family, partners, and loved ones cannot fix you or heal you. They are not responsible for accommodating your insecurities and your neuroses nor for finding a solution to a bad situation. They can only be accountability partners, sounding boards, and a support system.
If this doesn’t sound like something your friends would be willing to do – if you have concluded that your friends never help you when you need them, there are two options: you are hanging out with assholes or you are the asshole.
How do you know? Here is a list of a few behaviors that assholes exhibit. These are the habits of immature or purposefully hostile humans.Read More »
I have a lot going on and most of it isn’t good. So I’m doing the quick, fast and dirty blog post and will hopefully update it later.
You should really listen to the most recent Cracked Podcast on Earwolf. This podcast discusses new research that has shown that our pleasant feelings of liking or caring for someone actually happen AFTER we’ve done something nice for the person. This seems odd because normally, we’d assume that our desire to do something nice for someone happens because we care for them. But this isn’t the case. The feeling comes after the act.Read More »
In high school when I was diligently preparing for college and thus, my future, I never imagined that I would be working at anything other than a job that would fulfill my soul and stimulate my mind. Naive, yes. But somehow in spite of my penchant for analysis, it was the only conclusion I could draw from the formula poured into my young mind: get good grades in high school –> get into a good college –> get good grades in college –> land the job you want –> enjoy work and family –> live fully and successfully.
As a graduate of the Class of 2008, let me say: Yeah… right.