I was not prepared for a global pandemic in my lifetime – I doubt most of us were – but I understand the mechanics of the timeless race between virus and host immune system. I just wasn’t prepared for how much it would affect us culturally and emotionally.
I feel like the virus has infected us digitally. It’s all I see in everything social media memes to news articles to work emails. It’s all I hear in everything from video chats with friends to conversations with family to conferences at work. I have the same conversations with coworkers and family members centered on the same topics: How are you coping? What do you think about all this? Have you heard anything new? Every podcast I listen to says it’s about something else, but inevitably, the virus makes an appearance. I spent 20 minutes of a weekly work call talking about it. Yet, I don’t really get tired of it or irritated with who I’m talking to or who I’m listening to. I almost need to discuss it so I can keep up with the new information, but also so I can process it. I can feel the gears turning in my subconscious as it tries to make sense of all the changes, tries to anticipate the end result, and tries to cope with the loss of so many people.
I feel like the virus has infected us emotionally. In between those turning gears and those repetitive conversations, I find myself losing my train of thought mid-sentence or forgetting what I was doing just a moment before. I can’t concentrate. I can’t focus. Work seems to take up more of my energy, as I use up more and more of my self-discipline forcing myself to concentrate on work issues that seem irrelevant now. I’m generally a pretty engaged employee – I need something to do with my brain, so I have just used it to brainstorm how to fix work issues. But now? Now, the petty issues of a corporation seem … shallow and unimportant. And while I know I am being paid to care, I am still having a hard time mustering the motivation, and because I’m struggling at work, I have even less self-discipline left for after I clock off. Everything seems harder. Like I’m walking through molasses and my limbs have to push through with extra force. I’m so tired. Just bone tired. I have slept so much, but I am still tired, still unmotivated, and still distracted.
I see memes about how we shouldn’t go back to normal because normal wasn’t working. This crisis has proven to me that corporations and the American government cannot be trusted to protect their citizens or their employees. The lack of leadership in this country is painful to watch. Egotism, profit, and political manipulation is alive and well. I see minimal compassion and assistance for most people. It is…honestly not surprising. Which is alarming in itself. If I don’t get angry, if I expect this treatment, then nothing will change. And how am I supposed to change a whole society, the values of a species, while also trying to survive a crisis that exhausts me down to the bone? How am I supposed to continue to work and pay my bills while all of this weighs on me? It’s ….unbearable: I don’t know how I can bear it.
Normally, I would reach for inspiration from Earth or Mother Nature, but technically this problem is caused by Mother Nature. So that’s not helping.
Did you know that humans evolved to be persistent hunters? We all know we’re carnivorous, but we didn’t hunt the way most species do – stalk and attack and overcome the prey in a short spurt of speed like a lion or a hawk. Most creatures don’t have an efficient way to expend energy while also regulating their temperature. A big cat can outrun us in speed, but not in distance. No, we evolved to follow our prey just out of reach for miles and miles, hour by hour until its body overheated and it ran out of energy reserves. It would fall in exhaustion unable to keep going, and we’d be there to spear their heart and take our prey home to our families. Can you imagine anything more terrifying than that?
Did you know that we manage to live or at least have a presence on all the continents of Earth? The temperature range of Earth is -114 F (-81 C) to 116 F (47 C). What our bodies can’t handle we adapt through protective creams and clothing. Humans can tolerate a temperature range between roughly 40 F (4 C) to 95 F (35 C), or higher depending on humidity level. I have a ball python snake as a pet. He lives in a terrarium with a heater to provide the correct temperature gradient so that he can live in my house outside of his normal habitat. Even though my area can get around freezing in the winter and pushing 100 F in the summer, my central heat and air unit is more for comfort than survival.
Have you ever noticed how we rebuild after a natural disaster? Tornado, hurricane, earthquake. We build buildings that can withstand storms and then if they fall, we put up better ones. It seems normal to just rebuild – cleanup the mess, rebuild your home, continue with your life. Repeat. I’m sure sometimes people leave, but if we weren’t willing to live in places that had natural disasters, then Earth would have a lot of land where humans did not make a home.
But we didn’t decide to avoid the natural disasters – we decided to face them. Why? We were made to endure. To persist. To survive. I often feel inadequate because I am only one person and I cannot make that big of an impact on our culture or our society. But looking back across our history and prehistory, I see all the determined faces, and I know that I’m made of the same stuff. I was built to endure, and because of that, I can make a small impact and the human spirit and the values I hold dear will also endure. We will endure, and we will be better.
A Feather of Truth 